How To Ace A Dog Interview

We went to interview today with the owner of “Venus,” a beautiful, sweet, and extremely well-mannered Labrador. Venus was a dream dog…affectionate yet not overbearing, playful yet not hyper, and calm but still engaging. It was love at first sight. At least for me.

The owner had met with several other interested families and had other meetings set up for the rest of the afternoon and throughout the day tomorrow. At the end of our interview, she promised to circle back with us by the weekend to let us know of her decision.

Based on today’s experience, here is what I now know about being the winning candidate in a dog interview:

Do not, under any circumstances, take a cranky 5-year-old to the dog interview. If the 5-year-old whines and cries all the way to the dog meeting, said child is too tired or simply too out of sorts to make a good impression on the dog owner. Turn around, take the child home, and reschedule the interview.

Do not look shocked when the dog owner tells you that she just met a woman who offered $400 in cash for the dog. When the subject of money comes up, look as blasé as possible.

Do not take a cranky five-year-old to the dog meeting.

And, when the issue of spaying the dog is broached, do not immediately tell the dog owner that you will have the dog “fixed” as soon as possible. There are reasons - who knows what they are - that the owner has not done this yet. Honor those reasons and keep your mouth shut on any chatter regarding the dog’s reproductive organs.

Do not take a cranky five-year-old to the dog meeting.

If at all possible, do take Obama to the dog interview with you. Particularly if it’s a “shady” area of town and you know by the lingering election signs in the neighborhood that he would be strongly supported and received.

Do not threaten time-outs or deploy any other punishment tactics for cranky five-year-old at the interview. This could be mis-construed by the dog owner. After all, the owner is watching to see how YOU handle the behavior issues of those in your household.

And above all, do not beg for the dog. Do not call an hour later to see if the owner has made up her mind. Do not try to convince the owner to come see what a great home you have and how comfortable her dog would be. The owner probably knows, just by looking at you, your car, your son, and your mother that you are a decent person and that you pay (most) of your bills on time.

Do believe that the owner sees you as a genuinely good person; one who will lovingly care for her pet and provide it the best possible home. And hope like hell that you’re right.