Monday Musings

My thoughts today were swirly and more random than my six-year-old on a basketful of Easter candy. In fact, my morning sessions with clients went something like this:

"Drop your tailbone, please, and... pick up an organic chicken from the farmer's market this weekend."

"Big inhale, prepare and...when is the next baseball game anyway? That damn Little League is running our lives!"

"Rotate from your core and...what am I going to do with Ben this weekend? No Little League game? Damn. Gotta find some long and tiring activities."

I think you get the point.

So, here I am in my "free time window;" that is, the chunk of highly coveted time between Ben going to bed and calling out to me at 6am. Or 6:30am if I'm lucky. And my thoughts are still ping-ponging. Time to download...

THERE ARE 22 SWEATERS IN MY CLOSET
Most of you know that I suffer from a serious obsession with my clothes. I think it's getting out of control. Granted, I do a ton of secondhand shopping but really...I'm at the point where I could outfit all of Carmichael and parts of Fair Oaks too. My friend had a clothing swap this weekend. We all brought clothes to share and left with "new" things. I found some amazing pieces. Two enormous bags worth. Which is all well and good except for the fact that I don't have the space or the lifestyle to have as many clothes as Paris Hilton. My closet is seriously this big. I figured out the problem today: I have too many clothes and not enough occasions. To wear all this stuff, I'd need to become a socialite. Or date one. Neither of which is looking to be an optimistic prospect.

ACCUMULATING (GREAT) WINE
I have the same problem with wine as I do with clothes. Right now, I have at least 2 cases of really yummy reds and whites and no occasions to consume it. I keep telling myself that this "break" from a social life is short-lived; that I'm only temporarily side-lined from all the fun, Spring activities and that I could potentially have all my energy back - and then some - by the time the real fun kicks in over summer. Which brings me to my next point...

LAST MINUTE INVITES TO LAKE-SIDE HOME IN TAHOE
4:30pm on Saturday. Beep, beep. New text alert. Fun client/friend and her friends are headed to amazing home in Tahoe and I'll be kidnapped in an hour, returned the following evening. The last time I went on an outing with this group, I was hungover for a week. Had to decline - since I have Ben for 2 weeks - and beg for a future invite. They sent me a photo from the boat doc, cold beers in hand. What. a. view.

DIY NUTRITION
I talked with a nutritionist today about getting some thyroid support. I wanted to like her. I really did. But I didn't and here's why. She told me I need to go on a NO CARB DIET. To which I replied, "I don't have a weight problem. I have a THYROID problem." She explained that I have too much "toxicity" and that by weighing my lettuce and eating chicken and almonds, I could restore my body's balance. "Yes, well," I said, "my body might get balanced that way but giving up carbs (and wine and coffee, I might add) would cause a serious chemical imbalance in my head." So I went to the internet and began to research myself. Seems that the Zone diet- which is low carb - is all the rage for thyroid issues. I like Zone bars. Do those count?

LOSING MY MOJO
I had a string of bad dates. Really bad dates. The kind of date where the guy is convinced that I should re-consider my stance on not having any more kids. "Because you don't even look 39," he says. "And I could totally support you!" Did I mention that this was the first date? So I bowed out of the whole scene for awhile, intent on focusing my attention on myself. And my wardrobe. I was in Whole Foods last week and a good looking guy began to flirt with me. In a really creative way, I might add. Normally, I'd have a fast and cute comeback; that day, I stood there and as Ben would say, "I was out of words." Upon realizing that I was most likely a cute girl with absolutely zero personality, the guy made a beeline for the register as I stood there wondering if I should chase him down with a business card or slink off toward the produce section. I went and found some good strawberries. But seriously, what the H? Maybe it's this:

APATHY
One of the top symptoms of thyroid disorder is apathy. Don't laugh. It's true! Even the Mayo Clinic says so. I knew that apathy had truly set in when I realized that Don Draper has been sitting - and waiting - in my living room for over a week. My beloved Don Draper of Mad Men. I was so excited for Season 3 to release and now poor Don has to wait for me to shore up some passion for his quick wit, his intensity and oh, that strong and sexy jawline! I've made him wait for days. Appalling. I wonder if I'd do the same to Hank Moody.

MY 6-YEAR-OLD IS DOING DISGUSTING THINGS
Ben has come into the age of poop. And butt. Also butt-h***, which got him a big thump on the head. He started calling me Mamma-Mia a couple of months ago. Which was really cute. Now it's morphed into "PooPoo-Pia" which is slightly less endearing. I will elaborate on this - and a particular horrific bathroom incident - in a future post. You may want to skip that one.

ONE NIGHT IN BANGKOK
My ex, as I mentioned earlier, is in Thailand. He was moved out of Bangkok sooner than planned due to pre-cautions taken by the tour company. Yes, he is on a tour. Yes, he is in his 40s and most of the other travelers are seniors. Yes, he is traveling alone. No, I do not know why he went there. Yes, he does in fact work. Anyway, he hasn't been able to call much because I think they've moved around more than planned but he has sent quite a few emails. I sometimes wonder if it's weird that we're on such good terms. He can go off and send me a daily email with all the details of his day and I reply - to most - with the details of Ben's day. I think it helps him to feel more connected to Ben. I'm glad for that. But it still feels strange.

TWO WEEKS IN SAC
I have Ben for a 16 day stint. He is pretty excited about being with me. Likewise for me. Although the weekends can be hard. I was exhausted yesterday afternoon but I had a big - and completely irrational - case of mommy guilt. Ben had gone to a birthday party without me in the morning and was carrying on about how bored he was in the afternoon. I offered up some suggestions: movie, swimming, or miniature golf. He chose golf. We played 18 holes with Sacramento's finest families (seriously, where do these people come from? the F bomb is NOT okay at mini golf!). 18 holes was the most cardio I've had in a month except for clothes shopping. As a reward for the golf "death march", I bought the extra large Sierra Mist. Ben's eyes widened with surprise. I'm sure the nutritionist would have some things to say about that choice. Now I'm staring down another weekend. I think my dad's due for some bonding time with Ben.

BOTOX CLINICAL STUDY
After carefully studying the lines on my face this morning, I decided that if there is ever a Botox "volunteer" opportunity anywhere in Northern California, I'm tossing my name in the hat. Enough said.

NO HAYSTACK FOR YOU
I had to go to training on how to run the concession stand at Little League. Stop laughing. A Shift Supervisor gets double hours; thus, less time in the Snack Bar. Sounded good to me. I went to an orientation last week. I learned how to make nachos (pull the lever and smother with cheese), serve tri-tip, hamburgers and hot dogs (find a guy to man the BBQ), make popcorn (best to say "we're out" instead of attacking that machine) and run the register (for the love of God, please let someone else take this task). I also learned how to make a "haystack." The supervisor explained: "Take a bowl of Fritos, cover them with a scoop of chili, then top with nacho cheese sauce." "Got it?" she asked. "Wait," I said. "You lost me at Fritos." She looked me up and down and then said, "Yeah, you don't look like the type who would eat a Haystack." But that got me thinking tonight. Take away the Fritos and you have a no-carb-Haystack. Most logical line of thinking I've had all day long. I'm just saying...