Sunday, July 5, 2009

Wordless Sunday

I've had zero motivation to blog lately. None, whatsoever.

So I decided to borrow Kirsten and Kari's title of "Wordless" to share an incident from my day.

This afternoon, Ben and I returned from two days in Modesto. It was kinda like camping because all we did was play in the pool and eat. We didn't shower, my make-up bag was never opened and the only time a hairbrush touched my hair was in response to Ben telling me, "Mommy, your hair looks like a MOP!" (Might I add here, a "yellow" mop, given the high level of chlorine that my body was immersed in for two days straight).

We picked up McDonald's in Elk Grove. Ben handed the rest of his french fries to me at our exit in Sacramento and I was cramming several into my mouth as I turned onto our street and noticed a bright yellow mini Cooper in our driveway. Gulp. There was my ex. Double gulp. There was my ex's new girlfriend.

I didn't even have time to wipe the salt off my lips or try to arrange my yellow mop. Oh no, none of that.

I composed myself quickly and noted that she had a great body (highly augmented, I might add), a nice tan and many, many more wrinkles than I have.

As I opened the car door, my ex said, "Janeen, this is Donna." "Donna?" I wondered aloud. "I thought you were dating a Dana." "Oh right," he stammered. "I mean, Dana."


How's that for wordless?

P.S. It was awkwardly quiet on the driveway, so I jumped in and asked the following questions:

Where are you from?
What do you do?
Do you have any kids?
How long have you lived here?
Where else have you lived?
Do you like camping?
Is that your natural color? (Not as bad as it sounds...I was trying to explain the condition of my own hair)
Do you want to come in the house?
Have you tried Pilates?
Do you know what a reformer is?
Do you like dogs?
Did your dogs freak out last night over the fireworks?

Then I started to sound like my mother and I backed off to see if she could come up with a question or two of her own, which she didn't, but she did say that it was nice to meet me and that she had heard a lot about me from Ben. So I reached out and gave her a hug since I was trying to be "wordless" and then they packed off and drove off. I am still a bit wordless.


Kirsten said...

Oh my. Swimming sound fantastic. Your homecoming sounds, well... awkward! How could he screw up her name???

Jules said...

How hugged the ex's girlfriend?! That is awesome!

Lish said...

Wrinkles beat messy hair every time. You can wash your hair, but she would have to spend serious money.