I think I might finally be surrendering. Just a little. Or growing up. Or getting wiser and more mature, or maybe realizing that there is so much beyond my control that I can only sit back and really try and let go.
Case in point:
Ben was with his dad this weekend. Or he was supposed to be. Until K (Ben's dad) got called to work an overtime shift and K handed over parenting responsibilities to Dana, his (relatively new) girlfriend. These were responsibilities of the 24 hour order: playtime all day, dinner, bath, bedtime routine, wake-up, breakfast, the whole drill.
To be clear, K would normally call me under such circumstances but he knew that I had a very important (and expensive) training to attend in San Francisco. Apparently Dana was up for the task.
And to be honest, I was actually OK with the whole idea. Not because Dana is a long-time girlfriend who has been on the scene for months and months (she's not and she hasn't been), nor because I knew that Ben would be easy to take care of for a 24 hour shift (he's definitely not).
For the first time, post-divorce, I realized that K is going to make decisions for Ben that don't involve me and the best that I can do is hope that K is keeping Ben's best interests at heart. I don't like that Ben goes to bed late when he's with K and I don't like it when K runs Ben halfway around the world and back, only to drop him with me, tired and jet-lagged. But I do know that K loves Ben more than life itself and he would never entrust Ben's care to just anyone.
I went about my classes this weekend, not at all concerned with what was happening in Folsom with Dana and Ben. The report is that they had a great time swimming and playing with Dana's nieces and nephews and that Dana stayed the night and Ben was just fine.
Now, I don't know how I'll take the news of Dana moving in or assuming more of a maternal role in Ben's life but I do know that Ben will always have only one mommy and that this mommy is wise enough to let go when it doesn't make sense to hold on any longer.