Sunday, October 19, 2008

Aloha Mommy

B's dad and I have a 50/50 custody arrangement. B is with me for three days, then off to his dad's for three, then back to me for three and so it goes.

"K", B's dad, likes to take B on extended trips. They are on one now. I miss B terribly.

During our "normal" rotation, I can generally move quickly through my days without feeling B's absence significantly. There are exceptions, particularly around holidays, but mostly I accomplish a lot in the way of work when B is with his dad, which is a potent distraction.

K and B left 6 days ago for Maui, but it feels like it's been much, much longer. The mornings are a little too calm and the evenings are endless.

There is a time each day when my heart really begins to ache for my sweet boy. It's around 7pm, normally my favorite part of our day together. It's the time when we decompress, climb into his bed, read "just one more" book, and then he melts into a relaxed state with a long back scratch. I love to hear his whispers, feel his breath, have those quiet moments of togetherness.

I want B to know that when he's not here, his Mommy is missing him. Having a week without your child might seem like a panacea, but for me, it's more like an exercise in patience and endurance.

When I'm without B for long stretches (like this), I find that I need a lot of distraction in the way of retail therapy. I'm trying to be aware, to be present, to be quiet, to not give into a momentary and fleeting experience that serves no real purpose.

I've let myself go into B's room when he's not here and have even found some comfort in taking a big whiff of his coveted "blankie." I've organized his photos and many of his toys. I even organized his closet; school uniforms on one side, play clothes on the other. I really do miss him.

K is good about calling and having B talk with me. Yesterday, B told me excitedly that he and Daddy had found "treasure cars" in the sand and that they had gone to a luau party. This statement was followed up by an email picture of K and B holding their fruity drinks, relaxing together on the beach. B, of course, was clutching new cars in each hand. And smiling ear-to-ear.

I am glad that K can give B great vacation experiences. B always seems to have so much fun with K that he doesn't notice that days have passed since he's seen his Mommy. I'm grateful for this - every child deserves to have wonderful vacation memories.

They come home tomorrow night. One more day. Maybe tomorrow I'll re-paint his room.

1 comment:

Insta-mom said...

Hi! I was sent over by MamaGingerTree.

My husband and I have 50/50 custody of my stepson. I absolutely understand the feelings you're talking about. Although I know he's not "my" son, I see the sadness and longing in my husband when he's gone. The sadness in our 4 year old that will eventually also be expressed by our youngest two. The sadness that even though he's not "mine," my house is a bit empty without him, in spite of his three brothers.

It's tough.